We’re all different, and so we all express love in different ways. Everyone, to an extent, has an understanding of how they need and want to be treated. Love language is a native language that is hard-wired within most of us. However, it’s a language that does not always coincide with the native language of our partner. That’s why we’re here to share five different love languages that make relationships stronger.
For some people, the actual manifestation of love is constant care and help. For others – affection is shown by giving, such as leaving surprises, gifts, and flowers for a partner to appreciate. In truth, there are countless ways we can express love.
However, it’s tough to express or translate love if two partners speak two completely separate love languages. It can be even more challenging to convey love if we are unaware of different strategies to communicate love to our partner. Consequently, we can strive to communicate love to our partners in a way that can be clearly heard, interpreted, and understood. In this article, we consulted our expert analytical essay writer to weigh in on what love languages are and the different types of love languages that make relationships stronger.
Table of Contents
What are the Five Languages of Love?
The concept of the five different love languages was first introduced to the general public by marriage therapist Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, back in 1992.
Dr. Chapman starts by breaking down the difference between falling in love and being in love. Falling in love is a temporary emotional outburst that comes unexpectedly into life and just as unexpectedly out of it. Chapman explains that love is a choice, an act of will that requires discipline and recognizes the need for growth.
It is possible to love each other even after the initial feelings of euphoria have faded. The question is to make the right choice in favor of love and respect for your partner’s interests. The main thing is to talk to your companion in what Chapman has cited as the five love languages that make relationships stronger. These are:
- Speak words of encouragement
- Giving your partner quality time
- Give thoughtful tokens or gifts of love
- Actively help your mate
- Physical touch
Now that we’ve clarified what the five love languages are, let’s take a closer look at each one. We’ll also explore ways to determine which love language your partner is fluent in, as well as how utilizing these love languages can improve your relationship.
Speak Loving, Encouraging Words
Who doesn’t like being told they’re awesome or they’re doing a fabulous job? It’s such a simple act of love and kindness to tell your partner that they are important and valuable and that you appreciate them. In most cases, we might think, “Well, my partner already knows I think they are terrific.” This may or may not be true. In fact, more times than not, a partner might be feeling unappreciated – and you are the one who may not realize it. Therefore, it’s crucial to remind your loved one that he or she is freakin’ awesome.
There’s something magical about speaking in supportive, loving, kind ways to a partner. It boosts confidence, makes you feel good, and strengthens your relationship. Moreover, speaking words of encouragement can be incredibly inspirational for you both.
When you think about it – the core purpose of a relationship is to be in this life together. That means supporting one another in the united goal of living life fully. This simply can’t be done if we don’t remind our partners that they are essential, we love them, and we think they are fabulous.
So, take the time to tell your mate, “Hey, I think you’re the cat’s meow!” Or, say, “I love you” more often. Observe a job well done, and tell him or her, “Yo, you really crushed that!” You can even comment on your mate’s appearance by saying something like, “Yowza! You look really nice today!” You get the idea. When you speak supportively – you are supporting your partner and also strengthening the foundation of your relationship.
Give Your Time
For someone who speaks the love language of time, the most important thing is to give quality time to your partner. Being together means paying attention to each other, not just being around each other. When you spend time together, you should give your full attention to your partner, talking and focusing on the other person, not creating the illusion of spending time together or pretending to listen when all you really want to do is catch up on your favorite TV show.
Way too often, people spend an inordinate amount of time on work, careers, kids, family, video games, TV shows, or other things. There’s nothing wrong with that per se – but when that time spent on other things trumps the quality time you give to your partner – that’s a problem.
Make quality time for your partner that encourages focus on him or her, as well as supports your relationship. It would be great to take a trip somewhere with your partner that inspires you both to do things you both enjoy. However, sometimes that’s not possible. Luckily, you don’t have to spend money on a big trip to speak the love language of time. You can easily carve out time to plan cooking a meal together where you both can share and talk while preparing a delicious meal. Or, you can take an hour off early from work and spend time with your partner out in the garden or just sitting on the couch chatting.
While you’re giving of your time, it’s also important to listen to your mate while you are together. Listening, empathizing, and trying to understand others’ thoughts, feelings, and desires are all necessary. Try not to interrupt. Instead, be mindful of what your partner is relaying to you. Ask more questions and focus on the person, not their problem.
Giving Loving Tokens
For many people, loving and giving are the same thing. So, for some, the visible symbols of love lie in gifts like flowers, jewelry, or whatever. While giving unexpected gifts is an effective love language, it’s one of the most misunderstood and abused languages of the bunch. To explain, a gift must be given from the heart – not for the purpose of bolstering yourself. In other words, giving a token of love is a selfless act, and it is done purely because you want to express your love – with no ulterior motives.
Moreover, a gift of love must be thoughtful. Investing thought in your love token tells your partner that you are thinking of them and that you truly care and love them. For example, if your partner has a hobby – give him or her a gift that will support that hobby. Maybe it’s a new color of paint if your partner loves oil painting. If your partner collects a type of knick-knack, why not find that one coveted item your mate has been wanting?
Some gifts don’t have to cost anything at all. Think about making a gift. For instance, you can plant an herb garden and present it to your partner. Or, you can hand-make a love note and give it to your paramour. Bake your mate their favorite meal and present it to them with extra panache. You get the idea. As long as you take time and thought into your gift, your partner will appreciate it. Ultimately, that’s a super-combo for a stronger relationship.
If you’re like most couples, both of you are likely up to your eyeballs in work, obligations, chores, and responsibilities. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming when we are faced with mountains of duties. This is the perfect opportunity for you (or your partner) to express the love language of help. Nothing says “I love you” more profoundly than extending a helping hand in moments of need.
Offering your help doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Little acts of assistance such as babysitting the kids while your partner takes a break, fixing something around the house, cleaning up the kitchen, or taking the dog for a walk – all of these gestures are hugely helpful, and they all convey your love.
Let’s remember what we touched on earlier – the truism that (ideally) we are in a partnership to go through life together. Consequently, experiencing life as a team means supporting one another. That’s just a part of being in a relationship. As such, stepping up to help your mate is, by definition, an expression of love. It’s also a poignant expression of supporting your loved one. And when you support one another – you’re supporting and nurturing a stronger bond.
For some people, the only way to feel love is through touch. Such people need to hold hands and be hugged, kissed, and touched often. There’s nothing wrong with this – but touching isn’t a universal love language. In other words, you or your partner may not consider physical intimacy as a go-to expression of love. If this is the case ask your partner about their preferences and do your best to satisfy their needs.
In many cases, a simple peck on the cheek, a gentle hug, stroking one’s hair, or holding hands can be more powerful than other, more erotic expressions of physical intimacy. As with all these five languages of love that make relationships stronger – it’s the thought that counts. When you back up your touch with the intention of love, respect, kindness, and support toward your partner – then the messages will be received.
Assessing Which Language is Right for You (and your partner)
When do you feel loved? If you can’t answer, it’s time to check in with yourself. What do you miss most (or want most) in your relationship? Answering these questions is crucial to helping your partner speak the love language that works best for you. Alternatively, ask yourself the same questions about your partner, such as, “What is my partner always wanting more of in our relationship?”
Ideally, you should begin to get answers from this process of self-questioning. And your answers will inform you as to which love language is appropriate to express to your partner. Vice versa, your answer should cue your partner into which love language you need the most in your relationship too.
The Last Word on the Languages of Love
Sometimes it is essential to see the world through the other person’s eyes. All people have different needs, and that’s okay. Sometimes to improve a relationship, you’ve got to get real about understanding your twin flame and their needs – not exclusively what you want. You probably already know this – but maybe the frantic pace of life has caused you to lose focus on the important stuff. It happens.
The key is to get back on track and re-devote proper care and attention to your partnership. So, take the time to understand your partner’s language of love. Then, “speak” to them in one or more of these five languages of love that make relationships stronger. Odds are you will experience a significant shift for the better in your partnership. As always, thanks for reading! Oh, and if you liked this, I think you’ll also enjoy my post about Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements.